I'm beginning to get really frustrated about my english.
A few years back I was able to speak it and write it fluently, but nowadays it takes me a lot more effort to get coherent sentences out, and everything I say has a strange accent to it. It feels odd to lose an ability you once used to be "realtively" good at. In a way this is why I'm writing this blog, just to get some practice. I never write anymore these days, and I can tell that's one of the main problems. I used to write constantly on forums and to friends on chats and stuff, making sure I spelt stuff correctly, using punctuation, etc.
Obviously, living in Barcelona is one of the reasons I've lost that "native edge" that, for example, my cousins' english has. That's normal, if you live in a catalan speaking country all your life, all your friends speak catalan, you use catalan and spanish in school and university, etc...well, this is what happens. Right now, I feel very uncomfortable writing this, like I'm forcing it out of me when it used to be so easy...
All my life I've considered myself to be half english, half catalan. Now, I can still speak and write correctly, to a certain degree, but I assure you this blog I'm writing would never come out of my mouth on the spot. Conversations with my dad now make me feel pretty stupid. I'm at a loss for words all of the time, he has to help me out and guess what I'm trying to say, I blurt out sentences so gramatically incorrect I can see his face flinch (flinch? Forgotten the proper word...), and in some cases I resort to catalan, a language he understands perfectly. It's very embarrassing. I can tell he's also surprised at my inability to have a perfectly ordinary conversation that, when I was 12, I could handle with no trouble.
It feels, for the first time in my life, like I'm not bilingual any more; I'm a catalan student of english as a second language. Which is fine, as long as I learn with time! It's as if I've drawn to a halt these last two years, and then from the halt started to move backwards.

When I was 12 I used to post on forums a lot, expressing my opinion on complicated topics, and other times just holding light conversations about videogames or whatever else. Apart from blogging, I'd like to pick that habit up again.

For some incomprehensible reason, my jaw hurts whenever I speak/think in english. Why is that? It's so odd. I think the more I think about it the more stressed I get. I should just relax and write something every day to practice.